Who We Are... ... kind'a... well, not exactly, but close... sort'a
Who we are depends a great deal on what you believe. If you find the supernatural super boring, then you’ll probably be happiest thinking we’re two slightly fuzzy humans who love Halloween. But if the paranormal is your normal, then what we really are is two dead bears that haunt the house of the aforementioned humans. We’re happy with you believing either way. If you’re one of the 65% of folks that believe ghosts and other preternatural anomalies are real, then allow us to introduce ourselves. We are two bears bereft of life in Hillsboro, Oregon. Our new home is not far from the Tualatin River where we used to live. Bears are omnivores. That means we’ll pretty much eat anything that doesn’t eat us first. Upon reflection, that might be why we’re dead bears. We should have thought twice about eating salmon lying on the side of the river in the middle of the summer heat. That myth about animals being sensitive to the dead is total nonsense. We were no sooner dead than all of our animal friends acted like we weren’t even there. So, we started wandering around trying to find new friends and we stumbled upon a human household where they celebrated a holiday geared just for deceased bears like us. They loved cemeteries, skeletons, creepy stuff, and all things haunted. Plus, they weren’t too keen on eating salmon. All in all, we were a perfect match. So, now we live in their house. We try to do ghostly things like making strange noises late at night and turning off lights. We throw away one sock from the dryer when they’re not looking. We drink the last of their milk right after they pour a bowl of cold cereal. They seem to like us. They’ve even created a whole new set of words they use when we hide their car keys. Now, some of you might be thinking the idea of two dead bears having their own website is pushing your paranormal belief envelope a bit too far. All we have to say is that if you watch Linda Blair’s head spin around while spitting pea soup, and you’re totally down with that, then a couple of friendly dead bears isn’t that far a stretch. At least we won’t levitate your bed if we drop by for a visit. Let’s face it, being a ghost is kind of boring. Being incorporeal has its downside. We like to be a part of the family, but there are limitations. We know the humans enjoy spooky stuff, but it tends to lean toward making props with plastic skeletons or tombstones out of foam. Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, crawling under their bed sheets while our humans are trying to sleep is nothing they intend to film with a shaky cam. Instead, we try to inspire our humans to create new ways of making the dead come alive. It’s way more fun to hang around helping them make props than to rattle the pipes and moan. We give them ideas about things they can make. (We look at a lot of Pinterest in our down time.) We help them paint by spilling buckets of the stuff on their props when they’re turning around trying to grab something. And we break old props that we think no longer work so they will go out and make new ones. That’s who we are. Two dead bears that love Halloween, or two living humans that love Halloween. It’s your choice. Either way, if you love Halloween too, then we think you’ll enjoy your time here. Have fun wandering around in our little space in cyberspace.
They say one of the best places to find ghosts is in a cemetery. We’re not sure we believe this. We’ve spent many nights in the Hillsboro Pioneer Cemetery with the latest detection gear, and we’ve never seen a single ghost.
They say as the years go by, pets and owners start to look like each other. We tend to agree. Over time, our humans are looking more and more like us. Oh, they get grayer with each passing year, and being ghosts, we don’t change much. But, their ears keep getting furrier despite their best efforts; and dang if they don’t pack on the weight come wintertime. If you hover over our pictures, you’ll notice that they do tend to look like us. We think this is a sign that we’re taking good care of them. The third picture on the right is the beast in the basement. We’ve been told under no circumstances are we to hide his keys, raid his fridge, or play with his trains. So, we stay away from the downstairs. The last thing we need is some monster deciding to go all Scooby-Doo on us. That said, we don’t think he’s nearly as curmudgeonly as his reputation might lead one to think. If you would like to learn more about the humans, click on their pictures for a bit more of their story. We haunted bears on the other hand prefer to remain enigmas. We think an air of mystery makes ghosts downright irresistible. (And, yeah, just in case you were wondering, we do call ourselves Eric and Derrick. They’re our pet names for each other, because… you know… Eric and Derrick are our pets. If you don’t get bear humor, don’t ask us to explain it to you.)
The Three Bears… Almost Two bears and one beast add up to a full house.
The majority of humans love all things paranormal; bears not so much. You can keep your crystal balls and séances. Try serving up something better to eat than ectoplasm and maybe we’ll show up.
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