Derrick is the youngest human in the house. But, even so, if he was a bear, he'd be dead by now.That would be great for us, because he's the best human at being a bear in the entire house. Not the grumpy kind; he's the kind like us. He avoids crowds and the limelight, but he knows how to do bear things really well.

Having him haunting the hallways instead of vacuuming them would be great. He loves to go out into the forest, and he likes playing in water. He practically hibernates in his chair for hours doing something he calls video games. His fingers twitch the little box in his hand, and his eyes move, but not much else. Conservation of energy is a key talent of being a bear.

Derrick is very, very shy until he gets to know you. That's just like a bear. There's a reason you don't see us all that often. Unless you feed us treats. Feed us, and we're down with being your friend and hanging out in your swimming pool. Derrick is like that. And, like any dead bear that knows his stuff, he hates salmon.

But his human side is indispensible to our home. He's the geekiest of the group.That means he's involved with most things electrical or mechanical in the graveyard. Derrick and Mercy the pug Eric may design most of what's out there, but if it moves, glows, or does anything other than just sit there, Derrick has had a part in its creation.

He's not really fond of painting anything requiring detailing or fine work, but he'll grab a big brush and have at the walls and tombstones with whatever base coat needs to be applied. Our neighbor a couple of doors down on Halloween is called a cauldron creep. Derrick stepped in when he was about to be killed by Eric and put him all together. Derrick is a diplomat with a soldering gun and heat shrink tubing.

Derrick didn't used to believe in us. He always laughed when Eric would say that the ghosts had moved things. But we've made a concerted effort to hide things from him, and then put them back in plain sight. We're pretty sure we've won him over. We're great with that, because we think he'd make a perfect haunted bear. We're just not sure how to do that without salmon being involved.

close window